Vol. I  ·  No. 14 Friday, October 9, 2026Price: Your Priors
Quod Anseri Bonum, Anseri Alteri

The Double Standard Press

Est. Never· All the News, Reprinted to Fit· Serving Both Echo Chambers
100% Parody
Yesterday’s Paper: Sep 12, 2026 →
BREAKING: Nation learns a senator's phone number is 'private' or 'public interest' depending entirely on who is posting it  ···  POLL: 88% of governors are 'committed to the people of their state' for a period to be determined after 2028  ···  MARKETS: Apology futures surge after a governor proves a sorry can be signed and vetoed in the same pen stroke  ···  CORRECTIONS: Yesterday's 'dark money' has been restyled 'record grassroots enthusiasm.' The money is unchanged  ···
Today’s Outrage Index · 85 — 10 flips tested · editors’ estimate · the meter is still tallying
The Daily Flip · White House Desk

President Biden Posts a Senator's Phone Number Over Daylight Saving Time, Asks Nation to Call Before Sunrise

A fight over one hour of afternoon light ends with one senator's voicemail full by lunch

By The Gander DeskOct 9, 2026
Press photo: a Senate office reception desk seen from the doorway where an old desk phone the size of a sofa rings beside a wall clock as tall as a person, its hands frozen between two hours
Staff photo · The line is busy. The clock is undecided
Are you outraged by this headline?
Rewritten from AP coverage of the president posting Sen. Tom Cotton's phone number in the daylight saving time fight — same post, same full mailbox, opposite president. Tap flip and watch 'doxxing a senator' become 'grassroots engagement.'
Ink = the flip (fiction). Red = real Republican · Blue = real Democrat.
Flip Test · 91% Failed

WASHINGTON — President Biden on Saturday published what he said was the personal phone number of a senator from his own party, urging the senator's constituents to call and demand he stop holding up a bill that would end the twice-yearly clock change. The senator's mailbox was full by early afternoon. The clocks did not move.

In the post, Biden called the senator "a friend of mine" one sentence before supplying the friend's number to roughly every adult with a phone in the senator's home state. Etiquette experts confirmed that this is not traditionally how friends are treated, but conceded it is efficient.

Continue to the full flip →

Share the Flip · Shared — times
Press photo: the steps of a domed capitol building at dawn, its broad front lawn freshly mowed in neat stripes, with a single riding mower parked on the grass and a rake leaning against a column
Campaign Desk

Speaker Jeffries Says He May Start a Lawn Business If His Party Loses the House, Spokesman Calls the Coverage 'Hilarious'

Press photo: a debate stage seen from the audience with two empty lecterns, one of which has a packed rolling suitcase standing beside it and an airport departure-board glow on the curtain behind
Statehouse Desk

Governor Sanders, Asked Twice in Debate, Declines to Promise She'll Serve the Full Term She Is Asking For

Press photo: a governor's ceremonial desk seen from across the room holding two oversized fountain pens crossed like swords, beside a single empty drinking glass the size of a trash can
Statehouse Desk

Governor DeSantis Formally Apologizes to Tribal Nations, Then Vetoes Two Bills They Asked For Days Later

Press photo: a boardroom table seen from the end where a giant padlocked briefcase sits in the center, surrounded by empty chairs and a speakerphone the size of a hubcap
Campaign Desk

Governors' Committee Chair Kemp Promises 'More Investment' in a Tight Race, Declines to Say How Much Because the Other Side Might Hear

Press photo: a single high-backed leather chair bolted to the floor of an empty hallway with heavy chains, while movers seen from behind carry other furniture past it
Senate Desk

Thune Announces He'll Run for Party Leader Again Whether His Party Wins or Loses, Several of His Own Candidates Say 'No Thanks'

Press photo: a cavernous warehouse stacked to the rafters with plain shrink-wrapped pallets of blank paper bundles, a single forklift driver seen from behind and a long row of small empty mailboxes along one wall
Money Desk

Johnson-Aligned Super PAC Announces Record $230 Million Quarter; His Own Frontliners Ask Where Exactly It's Going